


Troublemaker

by YayaSamuko



Category: Fire Emblem: Soen no Kiseki/Akatsuki no Megami | Fire Emblem Path of Radiance/Radiant Dawn
Genre: Definitely not serious, F/F, Femslash, Heather/harem at the start, Lesbianism, M/M, Major Sothe bashing, Parody, Shoujo-ai, Shounen-ai, Slash, What the fuck am I reading, Yaoi, Yuri, comedy/humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-09
Updated: 2017-06-09
Packaged: 2018-11-12 02:10:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11151999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YayaSamuko/pseuds/YayaSamuko
Summary: No one could understand what was happening. Out of blue, every maidens in their team, be they member of the Greil Mercenary or Royal Army, has confessed to no one but their dear rogue Heather. The girls were having a fight in their side while the men were crying at the other side of the comment.





	Troublemaker

No one could understand what was happening. Out of blue, every maidens in their team, be they member of the Greil Mercenary or Royal Army, has confessed to no one but their dear rogue Heather. The girls were having a fight in their side while the men were crying at the other side of the comment.

"Micaiaaaaaaaa…" Sothe cried and Ike and Soren attempted as hard as they could to comfort the green-haired thief.

"C'mon… Men don't cry!" The sage said, his tone dull, proving that he was caring less about the situation. He didn't want to admit it loud, but Soren was never interested in anyone else but his only friend Ike. The current situation wasn't affecting him to the least.

Oscar and Rolf too had difficulty with their axe-wielding brother who was yelling all kind of childish insult. Even Geoffrey was crying over Elincia, begging her to think straight before jumping into the conclusion. Sure enough, the queen too was among these who confessed.

Talking about them, Mia, Micaia and Lethe were glaring daggers at each others for obvious reason. "I was the first to confess, so I should be the one to go out with her." The swordmaster inquired.

"Bullshit!" The catgirl replied. "That law might apply to you Beorcs but not on us. I ask for a competition to decide who will go out with Heather."

Sigrun nodded at these words. "I hate to admit it, but I totally agree with Miss Lethe."

"Agreed!" Tanith added.

All the girls turned to the actual protagonist of the harem. Heather was uncomfortable. It was a rare sign, but no one could have blamed her. All of the sudden, every girl in the army has confessed their undying love to her. Of course, every sane person would be freaked out. "Hold on a sec! I know you are all cute and very tempting, but I can't allow such army full of beauty fall into chaos."

"Please just shut up." Lyre caught the blonde from behind before she could have said anything further. The catgirl and her sister along the two sister heron girls tied Heather with rope. The rogue struggled to escape, but now that even Sanaki and Yuno helped the four others, she had literary 0% of chance to avoid.

As the blonde was now bind with ropes on her wrist, her toes and gagged with a handkerchief in her mouth, Nephenee shyly approached her. Heather was now holding into the last hope of sanity that her favorite girl had left. She really hoped deep inside that the halberdier would act rational. She even made a begging puppy eye.

To the thief's biggest surprise and a shock for her gay heart, the green-haired beauty smiled sweetly at her and strokes her bangs. "It will be all right, Heather! I will do my best as well. I will fight for our happiness…For the two of us."

"Not fair!" Mia stepped in between the two. "Nephenee you cheater!"

"Aye!" The leader of the dawn brigade too was not amused by the halberdier's act. "Abusing the fact that you get better support conversation with her is not an excuse to run ahead of us."

And the Sothe cried even more. Edward and Nolan sighed and patted his shoulder. "Cheer up, man! You knew since the start that Micaia never saw you more than just a brother."

The leader of the Greil mercenary patted his shoulder as well and the thief raised his head. "It will be all right! We have each others. Us men should support each others no matter what."

"Ike…"

"Sothe…"

"The hell!" Soren quickly ran in between the two, giving the green-haired boy a death glare that could freeze hell over before clinging to Ike. "Stay away from him! Ike is my friend and only mine."

A pair of anime drop fell on the side of Oscar, Kieran and Rolf's head. "What in the bloody hell is going on here." Even Ulki and Volk found things a little too insane for their taste. "Beside, how in hell did this all start in the first place?"

Ranulf sighed and cleared his throat. "You all remember yesterday when I said that the hot spring we stopped at felt weird?" The other men nodded. "After a little inspection, I found out that it's a holy place once used by a race of all-female specie to perform their annual rite."

"Wow!" Rolf commented. "How come you know all that, Sir Ranulf?"

"Yeah!" Boyd added. "Last time we checked, you were as ditzy as me."

The tiger didn't take that last comment well as a vein popped on his head and was about to engage into a childish fight with the warrior if it wasn't for their favorite leader who stepped in between and motioned him to continue. Ranulf sighed. "Back when I was a child, my mother would always tell me bedtime stories. That was how I heard about these species."

"And where are they now?" Gatrie asked.

"They were extinct two centuries ago." Volk was the one to reply. Everyone turned to him, wondering how come he knew that, but then he was a high class assassin that can do anything for money, so they let it slide.

The blue-haired tiger then cleared his throat. "I heard that these species used that spring to procreate, but then because of the pollution that even reached their territory, they all died one by one by different kind of illness. Mom then told me that the souls of these maidens are still haunting the surrounding forest."

"Mom?" Of course, Rolf's comment was ignored.

"Not that you talk about it…" Ike placed a finger on his chin as he remembered things that happened the day prior. "Only the girls had the opportunity to bathe there, right?"

"Yes!" Rhys nodded. "For odd reasons, each time a man approached the forest, they would get weir symptom like nausea, headache, stomachache, heartache and numb muscles that would force them to fall back."

"I think the spirits doesn't want any man to approach." Everyone turned to the new source of the voice. Of course, Titania was the only woman spared by the womanized effect of the spring since she was too busy scolding Boyd and Astrid the day prior and had no time for a bath. "Talking about which, is there a way to cure them? Not that I mind, but our army is going to turn insane if this goes further."

Everyone turned to Volke and Ranulf, hoping for a reply; Sothe was the one who was hopping it the most. "100.000 Gold if you want to know." Of course, the assassin had to bring money into the talk. Now their remaining hope was the tiger boy.

Ranulf just laughed awkwardly. "Unfortunately, there is no antidote to the syndrome. Once someone gets gayified, it can never be undone. The only solution would be to pair the girls with each others."

Then, Sothe cried his heart out and Soren clung to Ike before the mercenary could do any foolish move such as to comfort his "children's father" like how Micaia used to call them. Rolf, Gatrie, Oscar and Kieran sweatdropped at that scene. "Come on, guys…"

Titania sighed. "That they like girl are only the last of our problem. First off, we have to figure out how to convince them to stop fighting for Heather. I kind of feel sorry for the poor girl."

"Talking about which…" Everyone turned to the girls who were now fighting; literally fighting. The boys' jaws dropped. They were too engrossed in their talk that none of them has realized that the girls have grabbed their weapons and were now fighting like beast.

Mist was swinging her sword in all way, trying to slash Jill who has grabbed a killer lance. Ike ran in their direction and attempted to bring some sense into his sister, but in vain. He was just knocked back and almost fell on the ground if it wasn't for a certain mage that caught in just in time. "Ike…are you all right?"

"Yeah! Thank you for catching me in time, Soren."

They were not the only one as Sothe was attempting to stop Micaia from thunerbolting Mia. As a result, he got knocked out by the spell that was aimed at the swordfighter. As if that wasn't enough, the blue-haired swordmaster decided to take the opportunity to press forward, kicked Sothe's unconscious body aside and punched Micaia.

The mage jumped back, her cheek red from the hit. She just chuckled at it however. "Not bad!"

At the other side of the battlefield, Lethe and Lyre were transformed into their full Laguz form and were fighting like beast. No one dared to interfere, in fear of getting cut in piece if doing so. Same thing went with Sigrun, Elincia and Tanith who were both riding their Pegasi and were clashing Silver Lances and Brave Sword.

Geoffrey screamed like a high school girl. "My queen! What are you doing? Please snap out of it!"

"Geoff…" Kieran placed a hand on the commander's shoulder. He just shook his head when the blue-haired knight turned to him. "I suggest you give up before the same think that happened to Sothe happens to you."

Even the angel girl and Meg were in the middle of a heated battle. The heron girl had grabbed a devil axe and was attacking with every power in her body to tear the armored girl apart. Her brother screamed in surprise. "Oh god, Sister! How come can you wield such monstrous weapon in the first place?"

"Too much…" Titania finally sighed before turning toward the healer of their group. "Guess we have no other choice but to pair them with each others to stop this crazy scheme."

Sothe quickly returned into his sense while hearing that. "Wait! You can't be serious, right? Are you really planning to marry my dear Micaia to another girl?" The older woman just nodded dryly. The thief's face turned pale. "B-but…"

Soren sighed. "Do you really want to see things like this keep going?" The green-haired boy shook his head. "It's settled then. What about the pairings?"

Ike placed a finger on his chin as to think about their next approach. Fortunately, Sothe, Boyd and Geoffrey were men of reason, so they gave up on the girl of their interest. "I just want my beloved to be happy" as the tropes said. "Let's go with this!" The mercenary leader folded his arms and the remaining sane members gathered around him. "Mist x Jill, Mia x Iliyana, Sigrun x Tanith, Heather x Nephenee, Elincia x Lethe, Sanaki x Yuno and Lyre x Micaia since they are the most dangerous of these. I think the rest will be easier to take care of."

"Let's do so!" Rolf smiled.

The men then organized a strategy and named it "Radiant Yuri project". They went for the youngest member first. It was a hard thing to get Lyre and Lethe to separate from their fight and even for someone as armored as Gatrie, their hit did hurt. They somehow found a way to capture Micaia as well and threw the two girls inside a tent sealed by magic.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Rhys asked as Soren placed the seal spell on the tent. "I mean they are not going to fight inside there, right?"

"Worry not!" The mage turned to the healer, his face still stoic. "It is Ike's plan and I do believe in him."

An anime drop fell on the priest's head. "You two sure are really close…"

Soren looked at him with a very serious expression. "He is my only friend. I am his only friend. We don't need anyone but each others."

"Yaoi!" Haar sighed before turning toward their next target. "Sir Oscar, Sir Kieran, can the two of you assist me?"

The two boys in question nodded and together helped the dragon rider to separate Elincia from the two other Falcoknights. They threw her and Lethe into another tent that they quickly sealed. They heard struggle from inside for a while, but then calmed down after few minutes. "It is either they made out or they killed each others…"

"Don't you say such heavy things so calmly, Edward!" Nolan scolded.

Their next task was to put Sigrun and Tanith into a tent and that would be another mission cleared. But just as the men turned to the sky, the scene they saw was not what they expected. While some of them were freaked, few others screamed like fangirls and Astrid, to everyone's surprise whistled.

What they saw was the two Falcoknights kissing passionately while ridding one of the Pegasi. The other flying horse was slowly landing and so were their weapons. Second following that, the two separated and started chilling on the Pegasi like gay girls (they are) and flew somewhere no one knew where.

Rolf whistled. "Looks like these two are already a couple!"

"Reminding me…" Ike then turned to the tent where they sealed Elincia and Lethe few minutes prior and peeked his head in…only to fall back out, blood dripping out of his nose. "Man… I'm happy I could live long enough to see these kinds of things." And then, he passed out.

"Iiiikeeee!" Soren ran by his friend's side and made a dramatic scene. "Ike! Ike! Ike! Please reply me!" A single tear formed at the side of his eye and then he leaned down to hear the other boy's heartbeat. "His heartbeat is low and so is his breathing."

"How about doing a CPR?" Edward joked. Nolan sighed.

"Nice idea!"

"What!" Every remaining sane person screamed at Soren's reply. He indeed did CPR (AKA mouth-to-mouth) Ike, much to the Yaoi fangirl's happiness and the guy's angst. Sothe dramatically fell on his knee, waterfall on his eyes. "I thank god I managed to live to see this!"

"Sir Sothe…?"

Gatrie patted Oscar's shoulder and shook his head. "Looks like he just discovered a new door toward a new world…"

Titania sighed and was about to bring back everyone into the reason, but then she realized that the girls were nowhere to be found. "Guys… We have a problem…" Everyone turned to her. "The girls aren't here anymore."

Volke just chuckled. "They got away when you were too busy fangirling." He smirked. "Looks like they left two by two, in good term by the way and went their separate way god know where." The assassin then held his hand forward. "20.000 for the information!"

Anime drop appeared on everyone's head. "Don't you ever thing about anything but money?"

[-x-x-x-]

At the other side of the forest, few couples of girl were flirting with each others shamelessly. Of course, Heather was among them. She was glad that the crazy harem problem was over. She sighed.

"What's wrong, Heather?"

"You know…" The blonde and the halberdier were sitting at the edge of a lake while admiring the water. "I just realized that I should have my preference as well." Nephenee tilted her head with a cute smile that made Heather's gay heart to melt. "You remember that I once said that I liked cute girls?" Her newlyfound lover nodded. "I take that back now. I only want to be by your side. I can't imagine a future without you, Nephenee."

The shy girl's face slightly turned red. She had taken her helmet off before they got into their date so her blush was more than visible. Heather found the sign very cute. The halberdier smiled after a good minute. "If it's all right with you… I can be your l-l-l-lo… lover…I guess…" The rogue smiled. "But I have to introduce you to my family first."

Heather smiled. "And you can count on me to introduce you to my Mother once this was is over. I bet she's going to like you a lot."

Nephenee just nodded and the two of them rested against each others, shoulder-to-shoulder while sitting at the edge of the lake. They closed their eyes and continued to enjoy the good time the two of them had. Not that it was restricted, but they just felt like wanting to spend some alone time at that moment. They could care about the others later.

Meanwhile, at the other side of the water, Jill and Mist were also relaxing with the young Valkyrie sitting on her knees and the red-haired girl's head was resting on her lap. The healer smiled at her newlyfound girlfriend. "Sorry for earlier, by the way."

"I have to apologize too for pointing my lance at you." The red-head replied. "I hope we can get closer and closer from now on."

The response came into a smile before the two leaned closer to each others until their lips met, allowing them to taste each other. It was they first kiss ever and they didn't regret it. In fact, they were hoping to share a lot more in the future. As the two separated, they started to have some girly giggle, earning them an angry yell from the bushes nearby. "Would the two of you just make out already? You're too just being loud while acting all 'lovey dovey'."

"And you say we are the loud one because you don't have the chance to hear all the weird sound coming from your bush…" Mist mentally sighed.

[-x-x-x-]

Back to the camp, the guys and Titania were now playing card games while drinking beer and eating lot of meat. "Who needs women anyway?" A drunk Sothe started to ramble as he held a bottle of alcohol in his hand. "We men are better together while playing poker than wasting our time running after girls that will never notice us."

"You drank too much…" Edward sighed.

"Let's raise our cup in that case!" An equally drunk Nolan proposed and everyone who were already as drunk as him did so. "To us men!"

"To us me!"

Their cup met at the center and all exploded, splashing the liquid everywhere. They all looked disgusted, now soaked with beer. "Damn! We are too strong we broke the remaining glasses." Geoffrey pointed out.

Rolf however sighed at his teammates. "What a bunch of troublemaker we have…"

"Agreed." Titania took a sip from her Darjeeling tea.

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't played Path of Radiance and Radiant Dawn yet :p


End file.
